01.11.00 Group A
*Please note that I am spelling the titles as they appear in development.

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Pitch Review Borgies (5 is good, zero is not so good)


The Elements of Zeal Decently written pitch, if a bit unimaginative.  I would like more detail on the five regular citizens before I vote for it. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
Galahad Great pitch...except the ending is cut off.  I am going to assume that this was a mistake.  Interesting idea and well-written pitch, I look forward to seeing this in release. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
Lord of the Rings No new ground on this remake of an animated classic. The cast needs fleshing out, as does the plot. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
The Night Pat Murphy Died I like the idea, but I would be interested to see if it could sustain an entire film. Need some more character info and a more soundly edited pitch. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
Everybody Smokes In Hell This story idea is a bit overdone (see True Romance et al) and I am wondering how the pitch deteriorated so quickly into an ad. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
Geezer Las Vegas Interesting casting idea with respect to Carson. I like the idea in general, as long as it doesn't get too crotchety. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
Art A poorly written pitch of an adapted play.  I give less slack to folks who can't convey a pitch from something that has already been created. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
The Loss of Youth This pitch uses a lot of generalities, making it difficult to discern the plot.  A re-write is needed.  
The Tony Clifton Story This pitch is clutching the coattails of the Andy Kauffman mania that swept the country a couple of weeks ago. It is so poorly written that it appears that Tony Clifton married his manager many times.  
Choking It A whole movie about masturbating.   I'm not sure we're ready for it.  When we are though, I would hope there are some plot elements to make the story more than a one joke sketch.  This doesn't make that grade.  
Charlie's Chocolate Factory A poorly written pitch that is supposed to be a sequel. Not that there needs to be a sequel to the classic, but if there is, I think the pitch should be more coherent and interesting.  
just for laughs Another poorly written pitch about unfunny comedians. And that ain't too damn funny.  
American Pie 2: The Sixth Sense I am having a hard time seeing these two films jelling into a worthwhile comedy, and so it seems, is the pitcher.  
Netboys I think a 13-year old had just seen Baseketball when they sat down to write this pitch. We need and rewrite and more originality.  
Screwdriver SECOND WEEK. This doesn't strike me as being too funny and I am not real impressed with the casting.  
Phule's Company SECOND WEEK. Well-written, if unfunny, pitch.  Comedy pitches are tough, because you have to make a pitch that is both funny and worth a full length movie. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
Living My Life SECOND WEEK. "The funnies movie ever!" Wrong! Martin Short is attached, so we both know it is immediately disqualified. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
A Town Called Paradise We need more plot descriptions and less hype here.  A rewrite will help.  
the good,the lucky, the bad, and the ugly SECOND WEEK. No need to remake this with (I think) the same principals. If you want to pay tribute to Sergio Leone, write your own creative Western, don't copy his.  
'Till death do us part This pitch is too short to give us any insight into why it would make a good film.  
Pulsating Fixation Great title, but the pitch ends in the stock "...there's going to  be a whole lot of truble [sic].", which is a cop out.  What type of trouble?  
Y2K: The Musical This pitch is a bit schizoid. Am I a spoof? Am I a musical? Am I a Y2K thriller? Hopefully, it will never get made. If the pitcher is serious, ditch the theme (Y2K) and come up with something more original.  
Oliver Bean Lots of generalities, no specifics.   Maybe more focus on the list and the "web of conspiracies".  
Quentin Tarantino's
3 Little Pigs
Kind of interesting, but aside from the "Three Little Pigs" theme popping up throughout the movie, I'm not sure why this pitch would make a compelling film. Hitmen, gangsters, cops...not much new there. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
Unexpected The star of a movie hires a hitman to kill the crew of a movie he wants to get out of. His agent should have gotten him a better contract. This pitch doesn't flow real well, maybe it would benefit from the help of a pitch doctor like Hyperboy. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
LONG LOST LOVE No specifics in a pitch that spans seven years. I need some meat!  
Teaching Mother
This is similar to the one X-Files episode I have ever seen (how pathetic am I?). I am going to assume it is original idea though and question how this would do as a feature length film. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
Lover ends Hate The pitch is too short and too general to get my interest.  
Looking For
See above.  
HUSH The end of the pitch is to open ended for my taste. Spend more time revealing plot elements and less on collateral details. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
Life After Death The pitch needs some focus on what happens to Perry after he gets into heaven. Where does the story go from there?  
The Soul Haven This pitch would make a good opening paragraph to the film, but does nothing in the way of telling me for what I am voting. There is promise here, but we need more plot elements. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
Family Vendetta I like this idea, but as so many other pitches, we are told what happens in the first half of the film, then left hanging with respect to the second half. Very promising, though. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
Seven 5-0 This might make a good brainless action thriller, but it is no drama, which means it is in the wrong genre. There is also a drop off in plot description near the end of the pitch. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
Life Above the
No new ground here as a criminal tries to keep his kid away from the "life". Use your 85-word limit to expand on the plot.  
Come Home Soon SECOND WEEK. A promising pitch with a cop out last sentence, "A touching story, which shows how love conquers adversity." Tell us why and how. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
World Wide
This pitch is poorly written and is in particular need of a technical edit. The plot seems kind of hackneyed as well. Get the help of a pitch doctor. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
to Kill
An advertisement more than a pitch. No new ground.  
alive and
Terribly written pitch of an adaptation. Re-write, use your 85 words and expand on the original.  
King's The
Long Walk
Much better, but I am wondering if this hasn't already been made into something. I don't like the last sentence, though and the pitcher needs to use their 85 words. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
Fly By Night Cryptozoologist? Mothman? I usually focus on how the pitch is written, but in this case, I am just going to say that I would never be interested in seeing this story made into a movie. The pitch does need editing though and maybe more light onto what mothman is and what he/it has done.  
Eyescream Punctuation doctor needed. I am also not sure what is so scary about this pitch.  A rewrite is in order, highlighting the frightening elements.  
BRUT This sounds like a possible cult classic in the same vein as Toxic Avenger. While this movie would never get made in RL, I would like to see it here. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
Ground Zero
Gamera sounds like a fun-loving monster. Great. Are we going to put a still of him/it up on the screen for 90 minutes, 'cause there are zero plot elements in your pitch. How about giving us an 85-word synopsis of what happens in that script that "was almost made into a real movie!" I know you can do it. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
Batman: The
Dark Ages
Poorly written pitch of an adapted idea. That doesn't bode well for a full length movie.  
Nuns With
This is certainly an original idea, but I am having a hard time seeing four nuns laying waste to cities. Maybe this would be a good sketch. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
Needs to be re-written and doesn't cover a whole lot of new ground.  
DBZ, The Return I think the pitcher is assuming that the reader is familiar with Dragonball Z.  I am not, so I am going to need some plot elements wrapped up in a re-written pitch.  
Milk of '84... Apu
Nahasapeemapetilon's fight for
I guess I don't have a bias towards Simpsons movies like others in the game...yet. I like this idea and just hope it can measure up to the RL series. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
vigilantes This pitch is too general.  We need more meat if we wanna eat.  
The scope of a movie like this is mind-boggling.  I can't see a galactic war of the worlds done in 2-hours.  Might make a good series however, but I would advise this write to re-write the pitch. We need more specifics.  
Jester I like this pitch, but wish the last sentence and some insignificant details could be cleaned up. Less description about the city, more about "how deep the corruption runs...". borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
Mucus I am not sure why this in the Sci-Fi genre. Sounds like it is trying to be a comedy, although it relies too heavily on a one-word joke.  
Time's End Too many generalities and cliches to make this pitch stand out.  We need more specifics.  
Avatar This pitch is a bit convoluted and confusing. It also ends in a question, which is a cop out, since you should be telling us what will happen - not leaving it up to our imagination. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
I used to
be famous
I would actually like to see this, but only if it broadened its focus on a bunch of childhood stars. Otherwise, it is just an E! True Hollywood Story. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
Under the
Table and
You are missing one HUGE thing in your pitch. You need to tell us what that THING is that enters and threatens to leave Tyler's life.  
We are witnesses SECOND WEEK. This might be a great movie, but the pitch makes too many assumptions about our familiarities with the story's plot elements. Good cast, but pitch needs expansion. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
This pitch has possibilities, as I really like the cast. It needs to delve into more plot elements though, as you've given us a skeleton, but no meat. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
Blood on the
I see promise here, but the pitch is technically poor and shies away from description of the second half of the story. A rewrite or pitch doctor might help. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
WheN I
FouNd an
This pitch is a convoluted and needs focus.  It also needs to be placed in the correct genre, as it bill itself as a romantic comedy.  
The Winner There are a lot of inferences and not enough descriptions here.  Use all the words you are allowed to expand on your ideas.  
the Magician
I would like a better pitch, as this one ends in a question.  It definitely sounds promising, but the pitch needs more detail. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
The Body
This pitch needs a rewrite as it is too confusing to follow.  An interesting premise, but it just needs re-working. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
of the
What does the last sentence: "He has entangled everyone he
knows in dark pit that is the sub-conscience." mean? Is there a resolution? How does he go about solving the conflict? Use all 85 words and focus your pitch.
borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)
Deadly Friends SECOND WEEK. I would like to know more about this story, because there are not a lot of plot elements clueing me into what is going on. It sounds possibly interesting. borgie.jpg (1295 bytes)

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