01.11.00
Group A
*Please note that I am spelling the titles as they appear in development.
Links to other pitch
sites | last week
|
Pitch |
Review |
Borgies
(5 is good, zero is not so good) |
FANTASY |
The Elements of Zeal |
Decently written pitch, if a bit
unimaginative. I would like more detail on the five regular citizens before I vote
for it. |
|
Galahad |
Great pitch...except the ending is cut
off. I am going to assume that this was a mistake. Interesting idea and
well-written pitch, I look forward to seeing this in release. |
|
Lord of the Rings |
No new ground on this remake of an
animated classic. The cast needs fleshing out, as does the plot. |
|
COMEDY |
The Night Pat Murphy Died |
I like the idea, but I would be
interested to see if it could sustain an entire film. Need some more character info and a
more soundly edited pitch. |
|
Everybody Smokes In Hell |
This story idea is a bit overdone (see
True Romance et al) and I am wondering how the pitch deteriorated so quickly into an ad. |
|
Geezer Las Vegas |
Interesting casting idea with respect to
Carson. I like the idea in general, as long as it doesn't get too crotchety. |
|
Art |
A poorly written pitch of an adapted
play. I give less slack to folks who can't convey a pitch from something that has
already been created. |
|
The Loss of Youth |
This pitch uses a lot of generalities,
making it difficult to discern the plot. A re-write is needed. |
|
The Tony Clifton Story |
This pitch is clutching the coattails of
the Andy Kauffman mania that swept the country a couple of weeks ago. It is so poorly
written that it appears that Tony Clifton married his manager many times. |
|
Choking It |
A whole movie about masturbating.
I'm not sure we're ready for it. When we are though, I would hope there are some
plot elements to make the story more than a one joke sketch. This doesn't make that
grade. |
|
Charlie's Chocolate Factory |
A poorly written pitch that is supposed
to be a sequel. Not that there needs to be a sequel to the classic, but if there is, I
think the pitch should be more coherent and interesting. |
|
just for laughs |
Another poorly written pitch about
unfunny comedians. And that ain't too damn funny. |
|
American Pie 2: The Sixth Sense |
I am having a hard time seeing these two
films jelling into a worthwhile comedy, and so it seems, is the pitcher. |
|
Netboys |
I think a 13-year old had just seen
Baseketball when they sat down to write this pitch. We need and rewrite and more
originality. |
|
Screwdriver |
SECOND WEEK. This doesn't strike me as
being too funny and I am not real impressed with the casting. |
|
Phule's Company |
SECOND WEEK. Well-written, if unfunny,
pitch. Comedy pitches are tough, because you have to make a pitch that is both funny
and worth a full length movie. |
|
Living My Life |
SECOND WEEK. "The funnies movie
ever!" Wrong! Martin Short is attached, so we both know it is immediately
disqualified. |
|
EPIC, WESTERN &
WAR |
A Town Called Paradise |
We need more plot descriptions and less
hype here. A rewrite will help. |
|
the good,the lucky, the bad, and the ugly
|
SECOND WEEK. No need to remake this with
(I think) the same principals. If you want to pay tribute to Sergio Leone, write your own
creative Western, don't copy his. |
|
ROMANTIC COMEDIES |
'Till death do us part |
This pitch is too short to give us any
insight into why it would make a good film. |
|
Pulsating Fixation |
Great title, but the pitch ends in the
stock "...there's going to be a whole lot of truble [sic].", which is a
cop out. What type of trouble? |
|
FAMILY & MUSICAL
FILMS |
Y2K: The Musical |
This pitch is a bit schizoid. Am I a
spoof? Am I a musical? Am I a Y2K thriller? Hopefully, it will never get made. If the
pitcher is serious, ditch the theme (Y2K) and come up with something more original. |
|
DRAMATIC FILMS |
Oliver Bean |
Lots of generalities, no specifics.
Maybe more focus on the list and the "web of conspiracies". |
|
Quentin Tarantino's
3 Little Pigs |
Kind of interesting, but aside from the
"Three Little Pigs" theme popping up throughout the movie, I'm not sure why this
pitch would make a compelling film. Hitmen, gangsters, cops...not much new there. |
|
Unexpected |
The star of a movie hires a hitman to
kill the crew of a movie he wants to get out of. His agent should have gotten him a better
contract. This pitch doesn't flow real well, maybe it would benefit from the help of a
pitch doctor like Hyperboy. |
|
LONG LOST LOVE |
No specifics in a pitch that spans seven
years. I need some meat! |
|
Teaching Mother
Nature |
This is similar to the one X-Files
episode I have ever seen (how pathetic am I?). I am going to assume it is original idea
though and question how this would do as a feature length film. |
|
Lover ends Hate |
The pitch is too short and too general
to get my interest. |
|
Looking For
Alibrandi |
See above. |
|
HUSH |
The end of the pitch is to open ended
for my taste. Spend more time revealing plot elements and less on collateral details. |
|
Life After Death |
The pitch needs some focus on what
happens to Perry after he gets into heaven. Where does the story go from there? |
|
The Soul Haven |
This pitch would make a good opening
paragraph to the film, but does nothing in the way of telling me for what I am voting.
There is promise here, but we need more plot elements. |
|
Family Vendetta |
I like this idea, but as so many other
pitches, we are told what happens in the first half of the film, then left hanging with
respect to the second half. Very promising, though. |
|
Seven 5-0 |
This might make a good brainless action
thriller, but it is no drama, which means it is in the wrong genre. There is also a drop
off in plot description near the end of the pitch. |
|
Life Above the
Ground |
No new ground here as a criminal tries
to keep his kid away from the "life". Use your 85-word limit to expand on the
plot. |
|
Come Home Soon |
SECOND WEEK. A promising pitch with a
cop out last sentence, "A touching story, which shows how love conquers
adversity." Tell us why and how. |
|
HORROR |
World Wide
Dead |
This pitch is poorly written and is in
particular need of a technical edit. The plot seems kind of hackneyed as well. Get the
help of a pitch doctor. |
|
Performance
to Kill |
An advertisement more than a pitch. No
new ground. |
|
alive and
walking |
Terribly written pitch of an adaptation.
Re-write, use your 85 words and expand on the original. |
|
Stephen
King's The
Long Walk |
Much better, but I am wondering if this
hasn't already been made into something. I don't like the last sentence, though and the
pitcher needs to use their 85 words. |
|
Fly By Night |
Cryptozoologist? Mothman? I usually
focus on how the pitch is written, but in this case, I am just going to say that I would
never be interested in seeing this story made into a movie. The pitch does need editing
though and maybe more light onto what mothman is and what he/it has done. |
|
Eyescream |
Punctuation doctor needed. I am also not
sure what is so scary about this pitch. A rewrite is in order, highlighting the
frightening elements. |
|
BRUT |
This sounds like a possible cult classic
in the same vein as Toxic Avenger. While this movie would never get made in RL, I would
like to see it here. |
|
ACTION/ADVENTURE |
Gamera
Ground Zero |
Gamera sounds like a fun-loving monster.
Great. Are we going to put a still of him/it up on the screen for 90 minutes, 'cause there
are zero plot elements in your pitch. How about giving us an 85-word synopsis of what
happens in that script that "was almost made into a real movie!" I know you can
do it. |
|
Batman: The
Dark Ages |
Poorly written pitch of an adapted idea.
That doesn't bode well for a full length movie. |
|
Nuns With
Guns |
This is certainly an original idea, but
I am having a hard time seeing four nuns laying waste to cities. Maybe this would be a
good sketch. |
|
X MARKS THE
SPOT |
Needs to be re-written and doesn't cover
a whole lot of new ground. |
|
ANIMATED |
DBZ, The Return |
I think the pitcher is assuming that the
reader is familiar with Dragonball Z. I am not, so I am going to need some plot
elements wrapped up in a re-written pitch. |
|
Milk of '84... Apu
Nahasapeemapetilon's fight for
freedom |
I guess I don't have a bias towards
Simpsons movies like others in the game...yet. I like this idea and just hope it can
measure up to the RL series. |
|
SCI-FI |
vigilantes |
This pitch is too general. We need
more meat if we wanna eat. |
|
GALACTIC
RAMPAGE |
The scope of a movie like this is
mind-boggling. I can't see a galactic war of the worlds done in 2-hours. Might
make a good series however, but I would advise this write to re-write the pitch. We need
more specifics. |
|
Jester |
I like this pitch, but wish the last
sentence and some insignificant details could be cleaned up. Less description about the
city, more about "how deep the corruption runs...". |
|
Mucus |
I am not sure why this in the Sci-Fi
genre. Sounds like it is trying to be a comedy, although it relies too heavily on a
one-word joke. |
|
Time's End |
Too many generalities and cliches to
make this pitch stand out. We need more specifics. |
|
ARTHOUSE/DOCUMENTARY |
Avatar |
This pitch is a bit convoluted and
confusing. It also ends in a question, which is a cop out, since you should be telling us
what will happen - not leaving it up to our imagination. |
|
I used to
be famous |
I would actually like to see this, but
only if it broadened its focus on a bunch of childhood stars. Otherwise, it is just an E!
True Hollywood Story. |
|
Under the
Table and
Dreaming |
You are missing one HUGE thing in your
pitch. You need to tell us what that THING is that enters and threatens to leave Tyler's
life. |
|
We are witnesses |
SECOND WEEK. This might be a great
movie, but the pitch makes too many assumptions about our familiarities with the story's
plot elements. Good cast, but pitch needs expansion. |
|
MYSTERY/THRILLER |
Killing
Kristen
Robinson |
This pitch has possibilities, as I
really like the cast. It needs to delve into more plot elements though, as you've given us
a skeleton, but no meat. |
|
Blood on the
Morrow |
I see promise here, but the pitch is
technically poor and shies away from description of the second half of the story. A
rewrite or pitch doctor might help. |
|
WheN I
FouNd an
ANGeL |
This pitch is a convoluted and needs
focus. It also needs to be placed in the correct genre, as it bill itself as a
romantic comedy. |
|
The Winner |
There are a lot of inferences and not
enough descriptions here. Use all the words you are allowed to expand on your ideas. |
|
Mandrake
the Magician |
I would like a better pitch, as this one
ends in a question. It definitely sounds promising, but the pitch needs more detail. |
|
The Body
Jumper |
This pitch needs a rewrite as it is too
confusing to follow. An interesting premise, but it just needs re-working. |
|
Apparitions
of the
Psyche |
What does the last sentence: "He
has entangled everyone he
knows in dark pit that is the sub-conscience." mean? Is there a resolution? How does
he go about solving the conflict? Use all 85 words and focus your pitch. |
|
Deadly Friends |
SECOND WEEK. I would like to know more
about this story, because there are not a lot of plot elements clueing me into what is
going on. It sounds possibly interesting. |
|
other pitch sites
RAMEY
| Sneakey Pete
| On the Aisle
[ VP | VPMDB | VPCD | VPBe | VPNews | VPX
| CT ]
[posters/footer.html]
|